big sister blog

dear 18-year-old me,

girl, you have so much in store for you. so much to learn, so much growing to do, and so much life to experience. you’re legally an adult and can’t blame things on being young and dumb anymore, but let me tell you, that couldn’t be further from the truth. you’re probably hurting from the brutal slap in the face that came from the realization that you are in fact getting older and life actually does move pretty fast. but spoiler alert, things are about to get so good, dare i say better. you’re also happy to finally be grown and released from the chains of mommy and daddy’s authority. but spoiler alert, there will be lots of times where you’ll regret every ounce of this happiness and would do anything to relive your youth, which ends up being much, much simpler. 

then as soon as you know it, you’ll turn 20 and mourn your teenage years. the slap in the face is a little harder. for a few days it’ll feel cool to finally be in your 20’s, then it starts to feel a bit awkward. and all the attempts to mimic the 20-year-old celebrities on your screens don’t help. 

then 21 rolls around. you’re legally able to drink alcohol, which seems like a huge deal even though you’ve been doing it for about 6 years. but super fun birthday and an even better year! you’re able to get into bars without being anxious about getting humiliated (and in trouble). you also don’t have to force yourself to have fun going on suspicious excursions, like terrible dive bars with creepy old men and dirty frat houses that smell like shit. 

but you know what they say, time flies when you’re having fun 🙂 you blink and turn 22. you feel like you have nothing to live for, since there are no more fun life milestones worth looking forward to (at least for the time being). you spend this birthday with a select group of friends being super wholesome having wine and watching a movie. this, to you, is the epitome of turning 22. spoiler alert, you’re partially correct, but there’s much, much more. 

i know you think you’re mature now, more mature than most people, but really, your frontal lobe develops at 22, aka a light bulb flashing in our brain that makes you really become mature. you start thinking rationally and logically when making decisions and about life in general. so really, you become a true(ish) adult at 22, even though you still have a longggg way to go. this should give you some sort of comfort about the concept of time 🙂

but at 22, the slap in the face turns into a sucker punch. you finally realize that it’s not just you growing up at a much more rapid speed, but also the world around you. the bubble you’ve been in your entire youth has bursted and reality truly sets in right as you’re graduating college and going off into the “real world.” you and all your friends, both the ones you grew up with and the ones you recently met at school, are all going separate ways, literally and figuratively. everything you heard about post-grad that you took with a grain of salt becomes reality: friends are getting engaged, pursing more schooling, moving to new cities, all while you have no idea what the f you’re doing fresh out in this real world. any convenience you once had when it comes to seeing your friends goes out the door, considering you all have other priorities that don’t involve getting starbucks, coordinating outfits to go out, and debriefing the next day. 

at 22, you start noticing signs of aging in the people you love most. in your bubble, you assumed they were superheroes and immune to aging, but once you notice a few gray hairs and some wrinkles, you feel betrayed. similar to when you found out the toothfairy isn’t real. you then realize it’s becoming harder for them to do things they used to love doing. you look back on old photos and wonder how you never noticed how much they changed in such a short amount of time. you panic and feel a sense of guilt for not realizing sooner, because if you had, you wouldn’t have lost this huge chunk of time with them. all because you were so focused on growing up. and when they did everything in their power to delay that from happening, you did everything in yours to avoid them and fight with them. and now 22 years have gone by and you’re realizing that it’s not just you growing rapidly, but also the world around you, those closest to you, aging at lightning speed. except they, unfortunately, are not all fresh out into the real world. they’ve been in it for quite some time already.  

at 22, you experience true loss and grief for the first time. you lose both your grandpa who you were extremely close to and your beloved childhood pet. i know the mere thought of each of these alone is excruciating. i know it keeps you up at night quite frequently sending uncontrollable tears down your cheeks as you’re trying to get a good night’s sleep for class. but let me remind you of how incredibly strong you are. it’s very tough and they take pieces of your heart with them, but you sure as hell power through, learn lots of lessons, and get even stronger. 

but take a deep breath. you have lots of time to course correct. like i said, you have so much learning and growing in store and life does, indeed get very good. no one’s life is perfect and the tough times are meant to make you stronger and learn things about yourself that you didn’t know before. aging is inevitable, so the best thing to do is to absorb every second of this life, the precious time that we now know goes by so incredibly fast, especially with your aging loved ones. 

you’re probably wondering how to avoid mindlessly letting even more time slip by. here are the five tips i’ve mustered up to really enjoy this precious time, no matter how chaotic life gets and what trials and tribulations come in: 

1. practice gratitude. constantly, but especially through hard times. when you’re going through hard times, be grateful for their purpose and what you learn from them. when you’re experiencing something good, no matter how big or small, make sure to express how grateful you are to be able to experience these wonderful things. 
2. become wholly in love with yourself. this is a process, but until you become entirely content with yourself, you’ll never be able to truly love someone else. this time is especially lonely, so you must learn to love being by yourself and that involves loving yourself from the inside out. show up as the person you want to be every single day and eventually you will become her. 
3. be around your family. as much as possible. even when you are dreading it and are so incredibly exhausted. be around them. help them in any way you can, get them thoughtful gifts when you can, say yes to plans when you can, offer to stop by whenever you can. you’ll end up being so glad you did and make them extremely happy by simply showing up. that’s the thing about family, you don’t have to do anything but show up and they’ll be thrilled and love you unconditionally. 
4. limit screen time as much as possible. this is definitely hard, but try and put your phone out of reach or turn it faced down whenever you’re cherishing time with loved ones, especially those who are aging. we truly don’t realize how much having our heads in technology makes time go by a million times faster. 
5. always be open to learning. be open to learning new perspectives, no matter how firmly you believe in something. be open to new opportunities to learn new skills, whether that be jobs, projects, or hobbies. you should never feel too comfortable, so always be seeking out new opportunities to increase your intelligence and maximize your time being alive. 

and finally, to my 18-year-old self, i love you and i’m proud of you. of everything you’ve accomplished and overcame so far and everything that’s to come in the future. whenever you’re feeling negative and hopeless, just remember that life gets better as you grow up and isn’t so daunting like you’re made to believe. we accomplish things you’ve only dreamed of, endure things you think are impossible, meet people who change our lives forever, for better and for worse, and enjoy an abundance of moments that make our heart burst out of our chest and truly make us feel happy to be alive.   

xoxo,

23-year-old me / big sis ❤