big sister blog

summer is coming to a close, which means the weather is finally cooling down and i’m starting to feel like a semi-normal human again. i’m not sure if it’s just me, or the post-grad blues are to blame, or how the planets have been aligned, but this summer has stirred up a whole lot of… let’s just say different emotions. for one, i’ve felt like a whole new human being- which means it’s time for a rebrand. first up on the chopping block (get it) has been to use this rebrand + the changing of the seasons as an excuse to finally chop my hair. anyways, it definitely has felt like it’s lasted a lifetime, so i would be lying if i said i’m mourning the end of summer 2024. 

but this wouldn’t be big sister blog if it didn’t include random epiphanies occurred to me throughout this time. you know, learning lessons that made this summer worthwhile instead of… brutal. that’s an exaggeration, this summer definitely was not brutal. i actually kept myself very busy, despite being unemployed and not going on any big vacations. though i didn’t go backpacking in europe, i did spend lots of time reflecting, learning about my frontal lobe, and plotting my rebrand. 

here’s a short psychology lesson in case you didn’t already know, although i’m sure most of you took an intro to psych class at some point. your brain develops from back to front. therefore, your frontal lobe is the last part to develop and fully develops around the age of 22. it dictates a lot of things, but in short, your personality and how you deal with your emotions and everyday occurrences. *let me make it clear that i didn’t learn about this from tiktok, but the books “the defining decade: why your twenties matter” by meg jay and “too soon old, too late smart” by gordon livingston are extremely insightful about this. in fact, i think the first should be a requirement for every twenty-year-old to read at some point in their twenties- i’d even go on a whim and say it’s pretty life-changing. 

if you asked me when i was 18 if my frontal lobe was developed, i probably would have said yes. i probably would have even said yes when i was 14. i always believed i matured quicker than most people my age, probably because that’s what my mom drilled in my brain starting when i was around 9-years-old. but, when i look back at that person now, the crazy, unhealthy, messy, baby in college that was nowhere near being mature and having her frontal lobe developed, i am so grateful for how much i’ve grown since then. 

it really is crazy how much changes in such a “short” amount of time. obviously, time feels short or long depending on how you look at it, but looking at my 18 year old self from this angle feels like i blinked from that period of my life. but 5 years ago, when i was 17 and didn’t have my license yet, seems like forever ago. it feels like i’ve been driving for ages! yet, thinking of the next 5 years seems absolutely daunting. yet, lots of us try to figure out how we’re going to line up perfectly with our 10-year timeline that we made up when we were in high school. moral of the story is: no matter the angle, there’s absolutely no use in worrying or trying to create a concrete plan for the future in any shape or form. just live one day at a time and take advantage as best as you can 🙂 

anyways, there’s a lot of things you realize once your frontal lobe is developed. you pretty much do a complete 180 and look at things totally differently than you did before. when i look back to literally any decision i made before i turned 22, i blame it solely on “being a baby.” as stupid as it sounds, i think it’s a genuinely valid excuse that is backed by biology. our brains weren’t completely developed yet, how can you blame us for something that’s not at all in our control? but seriously, don’t be too hard on yourself for your past decisions if they still come back to haunt you in your nightmares.

side note: 22 is in no way the passage to becoming an adult. obviously we are still young and will make dumb decisions and mistakes just like any human does. everyone’s brain develops at different speeds, but the point is, the frontal lobe generally develops around the age of 22 and has a significant impact on the way decisions are made.

here are 10 things i realized once my frontal lobe was developed, most of which took place this summer:

patience is a virtue

it’s a shame that no one ever takes this seriously because of the fact that it’s a cliché. but if taken, it can really help especially in times of extreme anxiety. i’ve always considered patience being a major weaknesses of mine and never took any action against it, but i believe this summer has forced me to do just that. i’m the type of person who sees something i want and has to have it immediately. this usually works in my favor, except i wanted to have a job right after college, worked my ass off to get it and thought it’d just happen. but with the current state of the job market and the universe’s plan for me, that didn’t work out, which ended up being for the best. instead, i was forced to be patient- finally having real time to myself, as opposed to being swamped with summer jobs and internships ever since i became of legal age to work. this has also allowed me to focus on finding a role that is genuinely a good fit for me and that i will truly enjoy showing up to every day. though i have had lots of rough days where i’ve beat myself up for being “too behind,” i’ve learned how important it is to just be patient and realize that this is all happening for a reason and there’s nothing to do but wait and utilize this time as efficiently as possible. aside from the job search, this serves true for all other aspects of life when it comes to a season of waiting 🙂 

staying true to yourself

this is something that is rarely an issue for me, being that my personality is such a strong part of who i am. therefore, when i feel the need to conceal parts of it, we know there’s lotsss of self-reflecting that needs to happen. don’t get me wrong, this has definitely come up on a few occasions before and it backfired every. single. time. the difference with this time? my frontal lobe being developed and having a full brain to take the issue on directly, in order to reflect and actually fix it.

anyways, i was on a long awaited date, so i felt super anxious about how I was presenting myself. the overthinking obviously set me up for failure and led to me unintentionally not being myself, when i totally should and could have been comfortable with doing so. but you win some, you learn and grow, so that it (hopefully) never happens again. it’s really not worth it in the slightest to get worked up about how you appear to someone else, especially someone you haven’t met, since you’ve maintained plenty of long-term relationships with your friends and family just by being yourself. instead of wasting that energy stressing out, you might as well use it to exude confidence and focus on emphasizing your best qualities, which is guaranteed to pay off in the end in any situation. 

confidence is key

going off on that ^, confidence is something i’ve definitely been working on recently. someone on tiktok said that disciplining yourself by forming a routine and sticking to it allows you to develop a natural form of confidence, which i have personally found to serve true. this summer, i’ve been much more strict with eating healthier and being active on a daily basis, which in itself has allowed for me to gain some natural, effortless confidence. but aside from this, i still stand by the “fake it till you make it” mindset. as long as you act confident and adapt small physical changes into your lifestyle, such as a better posture, maintaining eye contact in conversations, accepting compliments instead of diverting them, etc. you will eventually really feel it. confidence not only has positive effects on your own lifestyle, but also significantly impacts how others view you. so, to segue from the last point, as long as you focus on how to keep gaining confidence, the anxiety about how others perceive you will start to diminish.  

be your own best friend!!!

if you get only one thing from this post, let it be this. before i turned 22, i would always “jokingly” say that i was unable to be alone, whether that be in romantic relationships or literally alone. while we were at school, it was a normal occurrence for my friends and i to show up to each other’s rooms unannounced and just say “sorry, i can’t be alone right now.”

it’s super common to be hyper-dependent on friends before your frontal lobe is developed, but once it is, it’s so important to detach from that mindset, especially when looking for a long-term romantic partner. there’s plenty of other big sister blog posts about this, but for these purposes, it truly is so valuable to enjoy your own presence. since i’ve graduated, quite literally all of my friends have gone their separate ways, as depressed as that makes me type out. but the point is, more times than not, everyone is busy, so instead of pitying yourself (like you would before your brain was developed) for not having plans or anyone to hangout with, you must grow to become genuinely content with yourself and being alone. this requires a lot of growth and working on yourself, which is the hardest thing for most people to accept in the first place. the concept of being truly alone, for a decent amount of time, means you’re fully single and accepting of the fact that you have things you have to work on before looking for someone else. by doing so, you’re forced to self-reflect (and figure your life out) without a partner taking up 50% of pretty much your whole life and influencing your every thought and decision. then once you’ve become ~seasoned~ in this era, you start to look forward to those self-care nights by yourself 🙂

silence is a super power

this is something i’ve learned recently, as well. i know the girls and the gays can relate when i say that it’s so easy to want to yap about every little thing that goes on in our lives, especially the good things, and even the most brutal things. but, i’ve found that as you grow up, similar to the “less is more” mindset, it’s better to keep as much as you can to yourself, especially goals and things you really value and want to make happen. of course, when you get those wins, it’s completely valid to brag about them (on occasion), social media has perpetuated obnoxious oversharers. i’d be lying if i said this wasn’t (and still can be) me. for example, if i was clearly done dirty, i would post a bunch of sappy quotes on my instagram story every day alluding to the situation. even though a total of 3 followers knew about it, it’s super obvious that i’m going through something, which just radiates bad energy and allows for 2,300 people to reflect it right back onto me. so, i’ve tried to cut back immensely on posting in general and have been cautious about what information i disclose and with whom i disclose it to. keep in mind, there’s a difference between being mindful and intentional about this and just being sneaky with people you care about. use your best judgment and a good general rule of thumb is to hold off on disclosing any major announcements until you know for sure that they’re on lock 🙂 

staying comfortable is never good

this is a concept that i am currently working on. i’ve always had a great intuition and have used it to make decisions that are in my best interest. but recently, i’ve realized that those decisions might just be the ones that provide me with maximum comfort, rather than be the ones that will take me out of my comfort zone and lead me to new and exciting opportunities. i guess i’ll never really know which it is, but i’ve recently found myself in a state of “sameness” and it’s for this reason that i haven’t experienced any significant change or excitement in some time. so, my goal for these next few months is to go out of my way to do things i wouldn’t normally do, instead of doing the same things out of comfort. to say yes to everything (when possible) and not limit myself to the boundaries of my comfort zone. will definitely keep updated on this 🙂 

always be seeking out opportunities to learn new things

i’ve really come to appreciate the value of intelligence and being educated. it’s so attractive when someone is passionate about something and / or is able to teach you something new and interesting that you didn’t already know. this doesn’t have to be things you learn in school or come straight from a book, but quite literally anything that you didn’t already know before. a show or movie that you’re passionate about, a sports team that you’re a loyal fan of, your job that’s completely foreign to me, politics, your culture, you name it. i have tried to take advantage of anything i can get my hands on this summer, in order to make use of the spare time i’ve had from being unemployed. from reading educational books, to learning how to speak italian on duolingo, to trying out new recipes, to perfecting my pickleball serve. 

move as much as you can

this is pretty self-explanatory, but i honestly used to be a lazy s.o.b, until i realized the value of actually moving my body every day. i’m not saying you have to do a crazy hiit workout every single day, but just try and be active for at least 30 minutes, even if it’s just a walk. it’s so beneficial not just for your physical body, but also does wonders for your mental health. there is really no excuse for not walking for 30 minutes a day! i also am cautious about getting extra steps in wherever i can, whether its parking further away from the entrance or taking the stairs over the elevator, the small things add up as well!

less is more

this is another easy one, but as i’ve grown, i’ve found it to be increasingly true by the day. whether it’s material things or just having less expectations, i’ve come to realize that being an adult means that you come to appreciate the smaller things in life much more. i always laughed at the videos of people getting overly excited about marshall’s new halloween home decor, or a new mug they found at tj maxx, or having a wine night by themselves. but now i’m that person, except i have zero shame. simply buying myself trader joe’s flowers makes my entire week. i look forward to sitting on my couch with a glass of wine watching a movie with my dogs on a friday night. my parents told me to invite a friend over last night and my response was, “i am honestly so over being around people.” if that isn’t my mood for the end of summer, i’m not sure what is. 

invest in yourself

i know this is pretty controversial, but money comes back, time doesn’t. so, invest in the things that make you happy. invest in things that make you healthy. i’ve spent this summer investing in so many health and wellness gadgets that seem like gimmicks, but have seriously been life changing (exhibit a: an exfoliating glove). no seriously, this glove has made my skin the softest and glowiest its ever been. tree hut scrub has nothing on this glove. invest in supplements, based on what your body needs: if your blood work says you’re low on iron, go get the b12 vitamins and actually take them. splurge on dinner and drinks with the girls to forget about the hellish week at work. book the weekend trip to escape your chaotic mind for a few days. the money will come back, but we unfortunately won’t get back these years of 1.) being young and able to enjoy them to the fullest and 2.) being young and able to prevent your body from aging by keeping it as healthy as possible (yes i, too, am guilty of not wearing sunscreen, i’m working on it).

wellllll there goes another summer and here’s to my first school-less season :): here’s to rebranding and becoming the best version of my adult-y self this fall season. until next time…

xoxo,

jm