big sister blog

it is often overlooked how much strength you have in yourself. there is so much strength in being alone. during my teenage years, i was always dependent on others to make me happy. starting from the ripe age of 12 (yup, you read that right), i was never fully single. if i wasn’t dating someone long-term (my first relationship was going on three years!), i would be in a serious “situationship.” whenever my partner was busy, i’d rely on my friends and family to keep me company so that i was, quite literally, never alone. i never realized this until i broke up with the last official boyfriend i have dated to this day. 

therefore, being alone since then has forced me to realize how much other people, including myself, rely on other people for happiness. i felt like my life fell apart when i was finally alone. this last breakup happened right before my freshman year of college, so when i entered college with no male attachment for basically the first time, i was very unpleasantly surprised. i had absolutely no idea how to navigate college hookup culture and i hated it. i was never the girl who was bold and outgoing enough to make the first move with boys, especially ones i didn’t know. my relationships always stemmed from friendships with boys and if that wasn’t the case, i expected them to initiate something first. spoiler alert: this isn’t how it works in college. 

i was blindsided and no matter how hard i tried to push myself out of my rigid box, i was never able to break out of it. it frustrated me like no other and made me feel like there was something wrong with me, since my friends and all the girls around me were navigating the scene just fine. i thought that by changing my appearance, i would break the mold of the girl having to make the first move and that boys would eventually come to me. i thought that maybe, like in all the rom-coms i’d constantly watch to make myself feel better, one random boy would appear at a party and sweep me off my feet, your typical college sweethearts love story. that’s what i was hoping, except, still, the culture, especially at the top-ranked party school that i attended, was absolutely not like that. 

when i began to exit the personal rut i was in for the first half of college, i learned to accept this part of me. i actually became grateful for it. do you know how many stds go around college campuses? the brutal cheating stories i’d hear and see first-hand? the number of girls who were miserable because of the toxic frat boys they were dealing with? the nights that were ruined because of couples carelessly fighting in front of everyone? yeah, i’ll take being alone in college. 

to this day, i see being single, especially in college, as a blessing. being by yourself allows you a sense of clarity that is impossible to achieve when you’re in a relationship. you’re able to freely and honestly work on yourself, which you should do to the fullest extent before getting into a relationship. the saying is true: you can’t love someone else until you love yourself. you’ll never get into a stable, healthy relationship until you are completely content and secure with every inch of yourself. then, when you’re ready and looking, you’ll find someone who meets all of your standards and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. remember how hard you worked to build up that strength and be the best person you possibly could be? don’t let a pathetic human being tear it all down. getting in a relationship in your 20s should be taken seriously, which is why if he or she isn’t going out of their way to treat you how you deserve, you need to gather up that strength and say goodbye. thank you, next. there’s plenty more fish in the sea. 

like i said, there have been so many instances where i am having the time of my life, and then someone who i’m with completely ruins the vibes because they’re in a fight with their girlfriend/boyfriend. or the friends who rant to you about the same exact relationship problems that are making them miserable over and over again. fights with your partner are inevitable, and i’m all for giving advice and helping out when needed, but i draw the line when it becomes exhausting for both of us. 

that being said, i’m an advocate for being alone in your 20s, especially in college. i’ve truly had the best 4 years doing so. that’s not to say that if someone comes in unexpectedly and treats you like a queen, you should blow them off. but, don’t get down on yourself and spiral because you’re single. don’t cry yourself to sleep on valentines day and national boyfriend/girlfriend day. remember that most couples are together just to feel included in these holidays. just to feel the comfort of having someone. most relationships at this age are very superficial and end in devastation. no one needs that during this crucial time of discovering yourself and making memories you’ll remember forever. most of all, remember that you have so much strength in yourself and the power to stand on business and be alone until someone comes in and sweeps you off your feet, never making you think twice about whether or not they prioritize your best interests.